Life is tough. The inevitable twists and turns, adversities and challenges can sometimes be too much. It’s easy to second guess yourself and your abilities. If you’ve been hit particularly hard with a recent failure or devastation, your self-concept may have taken what seems to be a fatal blow. Your heartbreak may even be debilitating. Perhaps you need to reinvent yourself, try an entirely new strategy or just start over. Whatever the case, your self-esteem needs a jump start, and you’re wondering how to love yourself like you used to. Follow these tips to restore your self-esteem and learn how to believe in you again after failure knocked you.
How To Believe In You Again
Do you believe in yourself? How’s your self-esteem? Honestly ask yourself these questions right now, and if the answer is “no” or “not really,” try the strategies below to restore your faith and belief in yourself:
1. Just Take The Next Step
Start by setting small, manageable goals you can meet without tons of effort. These small wins boost your confidence, slowly changing the way you see yourself. It takes time, but setting and meeting goals will give you a much-needed psychological boost. Don’t make important decisions when you’re feeling this way. They’ll only add to your stress.
Find little ways to appreciate your abilities, and the way you do things. The goal is to feel just a little bit better with each passing day. It doesn’t happen overnight, but gradually, you can begin to believe in yourself again. Focus on your successes, no matter how small, every single day. Then, magically, hopefully, one day you’ll wake up, realizing you’re slightly more confident than you used to be.
It’s about slowly building momentum until one day it dawns on you that you’re ready to start something new, and you’re excited about it. This is called healing, and it can be an arduous process, but eventually you’ll come out on the other side. Be consistent, focusing on these small wins, because they do make a difference.
2. Remember The Good Times
Remembering the good times is sometimes the only way to soothe yourself, especially if the present moment is awful or not what you’d like it to be. Bask in your past accomplishments. Give yourself credit for all you’ve achieved in your life. Pat yourself on the back for coming through hard times and surviving. What have you done well in the past? Gather strength from these experiences, letting them water your parched soul. Acknowledge that you have special talents and gifts.
Remembering where you’ve been let’s you see how truly strong are. This gives you the will to continue and carry on. Integrate everything you’ve done in your life, into the present moment, giving you a stronger identity and sense of self. Find what nourishes you, and do more of that, while taking pride in what you’ve already accomplished. Take ownership of every one of your successes.
Don’t focus on the times you’ve failed or things you’re not proud of. Learn from them and forgive yourself, while forgiving others that have harmed you. Bringing the past into the present doesn’t serve a useful purpose or prepare you for your inevitable comeback.
[Read More: 20 Ways Forgiveness Will Heal A Broken Heart]
Remembering past wins and happy memories requires introspection and reflection. Practice this skill more as it will be an integral part of the healing process. Get in touch with your inner world and visit it often as true healing comes from within.
3. Acknowledge Your Feelings
Acknowledge and feel your pain. Let yourself cry and grieve. If you don’t, your pain will turn inward, which is destructive both physically and emotionally. There’s nothing wrong with crying, screaming, and just being miserable. Don’t take your feelings out on others, but find a place where you can get them all out. Expressing emotions is part of the healing process. You might need to do this every day, but overtime, your bad days will become less frequent, with more happy days on the horizon.
Move through your grief, accepting what happened, and its effect on you. Being truthful with yourself is freeing. Feelings are normal and are what make us human. Learn to appreciate the whole spectrum of emotions without being ashamed. You feel what you feel so you may as well accept and embrace your emotions with kindness and maturity.
Find a trusted friend or family member you can vent to, and who will validate and understand your feelings. A shared burden isn’t as heavy, and sharing with others can give you a new slant on your situation. Another person’s feedback can help you see yourself and your gifts in a different light. Often, we see things so subjectively because we’re enmeshed in the circumstances of our lives. An outsider’s objective opinion can be enlightening, providing new perspectives, and ways of seeing things. Good listeners are an anchor during and after life’s storms.
4. Reflect On Your Goals
Take an afternoon to quietly reflect on your short and long-term goals. Specifically write down each goal, noting the time frame in which you want to meet each one. Under each goal, list action steps you can take daily that will help you accomplish your objective. It’s kind of like writing an outline for a research paper.
Place your goals where you can easily see them. This could be a bathroom mirror, your refrigerator, or as a screen saver on your computer. You want to keep your goals forefront in your mind. Track your goals, work towards them, crossing them off when they’re completed. This will give you a deep sense of satisfaction and fulfillment.
Goals give life meaning and purpose. It’s hard to feel defeat for long if you’re working towards a meaningful goal or something you’re passionate about. This looks different to each of us. Passion instills purpose into your life, giving you renewed vigor and strength. Figure out what invigorates you, and make that one of your goals.
Contemplate all the things you’ve always wanted to do or would like to do in the future. Create your own bucket list, crossing each one off as you do it. Put things on this list that both scare and excite you. Nothing is off limits. Write everything down that comes to your mind, and visit this list often.
5. Enjoy Life More
Make time for fun and activities you like. It’s easy to get caught up in doing, doing, doing that enjoyment gets pushed to the side. If you have to, force yourself to get out of your comfort zone. Learn a new skill, take up a new hobby, meet new people. Cultivate meaningful relationships with people that nourish you. Broadening your perspective can give you a new lease on life.
Engage in self-care daily. Don’t underestimate the value of making time for yourself as it will build up your inner reserves, which will help you process and integrate your grief. Take long walks, enjoy warm baths, read a book you love. Make time for a spiritual practice you’ve been neglecting. Prepare nutritious meals and rest more.
[Read More: 5 Ways To Make Self Care A Priority]
All these activities calm the parasympathetic nervous system. You’ll sleep more soundly, digest your food better, and feel less stressed in general. Calming this part of the nervous system promotes feelings of peace, harmony, and calm, all of which promote healing. It also lets you see things as they are. When you’re in a stress response, it’s difficult to see things correctly. You’ll also feel more balanced, and won’t take things so personally, which is easy to do when you feel so fragile.
Develop authenticity. If we’re not careful, so much of life can be about the “shoulds” and the “have tos,” instead of “look what I get to do today!” I’m not saying you don’t have to follow through on commitments and responsibilities, but there is a better way of doing life when you’re able to identify and tap into what truly resonates for you. Now do more of what you’ve discovered. Maybe what you’re going through is a wake-up call to take better care of yourself.
Make a promise to yourself that you won’t be defeated no matter how you feel. You’ll have plenty of days when you’ll want to give up, but don’t allow yourself to stay in these negative feelings. After a bad day, dust yourself off, and get back at it. It takes a lot of courage to keep going when you feel like giving up. Encouraging self-talk is essential to keep you motivated. Just know that some days are going to be difficult, know that they will pass, and eventually you’ll wake up one morning with a spring in your step.
Surround yourself with people who believe in you, and that you can be vulnerable with. Stand on their faith when yours can’t hold you. Eliminate negative people from you life. Toxic people will delay your healing as they’re emotional vampires and takers. You need to be given to, not taken from. Cultivate relationships that are mutually beneficial, ditching the one-sided ones. Maintain ironclad boundaries from people that don’t have your best interest in mind.
Find a cause that stirs your soul. Be authentic to who you really are, nurturing those parts of yourself you’ve neglected for years. Find someone or something to love. Get a pet if you’ve always wanted one. Dogs give unconditional love with no strings attached. They’ll love you, and want to be with you, no matter how you feel about yourself. Plus, it gives your life meaning to love and take care of another living being.
Say “no” to things you don’t want to do, or have the energy for, just because you think you should. Life is too short for “shoulds.” Make the commitment every single day that you’re going to believe in yourself, acknowledging your inherent worthiness, and the many contributions you have and will make to this world. You’re more valuable than you realize.
Learning To Believe In Yourself
Learning to believe in yourself again isn’t easy, but it does help to know you’re not alone. Every single person on this planet is struggling in some way. Acknowledge that life is full of trials, but you have the inner resources to rise above the wreckage. It’s important to find ways to heal, grow, and transform your life.
It may seem counter intuitive, but the best way to start believing in yourself is to make the commitment to believe in yourself under every circumstance. You don’t have to feel this in your heart. It’s a decision of your will so just make the decision to always believe in yourself no matter how you feel. And even if it’s the tiniest glimmer of belief, it will grow if you nourish it.
Life isn’t easy. There’s so much coming at us at any given moment. A healthy self-esteem takes effort, especially during and after, an acute or prolonged trial. You can take your power back. Begin by accomplishing small feats every day, bask in past successes, set future goals, do more of the things you love, and believe in yourself even when you don’t feel it. This is how we all rise from the ashes!
Has your self-esteem taken a hit, causing you to lose faith in yourself? How do you deal with these feelings of lack? Let me know in the comments:)
Disclaimer: This article is strictly for informational purposes only and is not intended to be medical advice.