Cold Hard Facts About Covert Abuse
Here are some cold hard facts about covert abuse. This type of abuse flies under the radar, often getting swept under the rug as the dirty little family secret. The abuse happens in plain sight, while the abuser sits there with an evil smirk on his face and the abused crumbles in despair. YET, no one else seems to notice. This can continue for years….. Is this sounding familiar to anyone?
Plan on the status quo being maintained at your expense UNTIL you recognize exactly what’s going on. You can then stand up for yourself and say “No More – I’m done!”
Very few people are evolved enough to support someone who is deeply suffering. It’s too uncomfortable and awkward for them, or they simply lack the empathy and maturity, to sit with someone in their sadness. Another element that’s at play is that people can’t see the abuse because it’s covert. This makes it difficult for them to understand the gravity of the situation.
Manipulation tactics, such as passive aggression, gaslighting, stonewalling, mirroring, and projection aren’t easy to spot unless they’re specifically directed at you. This is one reason women remain stuck in toxic relationships for so long. They feel like they’re going crazy or that they’re making a mountain out of a mole hill. They’ve also been told that all the problems in the relationship are their fault.
Add to this the constant denial and circular talk, and you have a toxic soup of chaos and confusion that is difficult to sort out. Plus, covert abuse happens gradually over time, making it even harder to put a finger on what’s happening. The victim becomes weaker and weaker as the abuse continues, making her doubt her reality even more.
A person diagnosed with cancer will receive far more support and care than someone who is the target of narcissistic abuse. This disheartening scenario needs to change. I’ve read far too many stories over the years to confirm that this is a true phenomenon when it comes to covert abuse.
No one would willingly abandon someone with a serious physical condition. People who are targets of mental and emotional abuse should be afforded the same courtesy. Invisible scars are every bit as painful, if not more so…
Unless you’re one of the blessed few, don’t let this absence of concern break you. It will feel like it is breaking you. It can often be too much to bear not having someone in your corner. Find people who can be there for you who understand personality disorders or who have been in manipulative relationships themselves. People who have the depth and staying power to sit with you in your brokenness.
Don’t depend on people, that won’t or can’t, be there for you. It will only add to your misery and disappointment. Cultivate your relationship with God and with the select honorable few. You’ll be lucky if you find just one loyal soul to continually walk alongside you.
I would love for you to join my private Facebook group – The Toxic Relief Room – that I recently created. I’m confident it will be an invaluable resource for women in toxic relationships. Know that you are not alone in your journey to freedom and a life free from abuse and tyranny.